humor
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Ethiopian Food and Laptop Repair
You are viewing stuff tagged with humor.
Mykala thought this was inappropriate for Facebook, so it will be put on my personal website of silliness, which I have to admit makes far more sense.
Quesadilla Steve’s
Your Neighborhood Pizza Joint
Right? Pretty confusing.
Mykala converted my idiosyncratic and decidedly gentle ill-will towards some selfish strangers to something called “Unlikely Retribution”, and here’s how it works. First, a stranger must do something bad, wrong, or otherwise morally repugnant to you. They might cut you off in traffic, spend 5 minutes ordering coffee, or take your parking spot. The offense usually occurs in an incidental way where you don’t directly interact with this person, though that isn’t a requirement.
Zen at Home: Working Out in a Small Space; here’s a gem from the comments:
My company offers every employee a free Stair Master for personal use, 24/7. It’s double wide and you can do an “up” or “down” workout. The best part about it is that it serves the added function of access to all six floors in our building.
Report: Majority Of Money Donated At Church Doesn’t Make It To God — The Onion:
A shocking report released Monday by the Internal Revenue Service revealed that more than 65 percent of the money donated at churches across the world never reaches God. “Unfortunately, almost half of all collections go toward administrative expenses such as management, utilities, and clerical costs,” said Virginia Raeburn, a spokesperson for the Lord Almighty…
Mykala: “Is that guy doing Tai Chi?”
Alex: “No, he’s tying his shoe. He’s doing Shoe Chi.”
Mykala: “You mean Tai Shoe.”
Alex: “You always think up the funny ones; I was so close!”
First, last, and only time I’ll ever laugh while reading about chlorine trifluoride… Sand Won’t Save You This Time:
There’s a report from the early 1950s of a one-ton spill of the stuff. It burned its way through a foot of concrete floor and chewed up another meter of sand and gravel beneath, completing a day that I’m sure no one involved ever forgot. That process, I should add, would necessarily have been accompanied by copious amounts of horribly toxic and corrosive by-products: it’s bad enough when your reagent ignites wet sand, but the clouds of hot hydrofluoric acid are your special door prize if you’re foolhardy enough to hang around and watch the fireworks.
One must demonstrate the proper “hanging off” technique of extreme motorcycle center of gravity-altering cornering at any opportunity.
Mykala: “Maui onion rings with banana ketchup!”
Alex: “Sounds delicious!”
Mykala: “Sounds like a toot storm.”
Here are some selected quotes from literally the best professor I have ever had the pleasure of learning from. Dr. Katz could teach p-chem to third graders.
“I’ve seen your schedule — it’s incredible. You guys are really, really busy. Me, I just sit around all day and blow bubbles and come in here occasionally to talk to you.”
Dan McKeown. May 8, 2006.
I’ll bring the peanut butter!
Tumbledry was pretty active back then. I’m sure those days will come again.
Pun for the Ages - NYTimes.com:
Richard Whately, Archbishop of Dublin, was a specialist. He could effortlessly execute the double pun: Noah’s Ark was made of gopher-wood, he would say, but Joan of Arc was maid of Orleans. Some Whately-isms are so complex that they nearly amount to honest jokes: “Why can a man never starve in the Great Desert? Because he can eat the sand which is there. But what brought the sandwiches there? Why, Noah sent Ham, and his descendants mustered and bred.”
This Southwest Airlines Commercial entitled “Deposit” illustrates why following instructions is important. And here’s the thing about those drive-through bank teller set-ups: should I be trying to make eye contact with the lady on the other side? I mean, they can see and hear me, and I can hear them… yet, isn’t there kind of a void there? I raise the question because I think there is at least one person in tumbledry’s audience who can provide advice.
This is the “Pancake Savior”. (via Airbag.)
The Onion: 180 Trillion Leisure Hours Lost To Work Last Year:
“The majority of American adults find work cutting into the middle of their days—exactly when leisure is most effective,” said Adam Bernhardt, the Boston University sociology professor who headed the study. “The hours between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. are ideally suited to browsing stores, dozing in front of the television, and finishing the morning paper. Daytime hours are also the warmest and sunniest of the day, making them perfect for outdoor activities. Unfortunately, most Americans can’t enjoy leisure during this time, for the simple reason that they’re ‘at work.’”
Thank You for Choosing the Hyatt Regency Purgatory:
Pool—Open 24 hours. Though it’s unheated, some guests may find that immersion in the pool’s holy water sears their corrupt flesh.
Room Service—Room service is available 24 hours a day, though use of this service is considered slothful and may extend your stay.
The Wikipedia entry on Stanford’s tree mascot is an excellent piece of work. Some excerpts:
The Stanford Tree is the unofficial mascot of Stanford University. Stanford’s team name is “The Cardinal,” referring to the vivid red color (not the common song bird as at several other schools), and the University has never been able to come up with an official mascot which adequately conveys the fierceness and sporting prowess it had hoped to symbolize with that particular shade of sanguine. This fact creates a void not typically found at schools with less-abstract symbols for their sports teams, and into this unfulfilled void the Stanford Band has insistently thrust what is one of the United States’ most bizarre and controversial college mascots.
Neo: “I can publish content to the internet.”
Morpheus: “Show me.”
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