Anniversaries
My parents celebrated twenty seven years together today, and the event got me thinking about the blood, sweat, and tears that go into a partnership of almost three decades. It seems to me, from limited experience, that relationships are founded on the buoyancy of optimism, which initially keeps them afloat on the turbulent waters of life. It then also seems inevitable that one must (at some point) decide whether to jump ship or instead choose to be vigilant against the shoals that will founder and also avert becalming far out at sea. My sea-faring analogy stretches both your patience and my nautical vocabulary to the breaking point, so I must discontinue it … but surely you can see what I mean? After optimism, eventually you must make a decision.
An added bonus: you have no way of knowing if your decision is the right one. You may never know. All you know is that its effect on you and those you love is inevitably profound.
Comments
Amber
So I liked this post. And I am glad you opened comments. Coming from a relationship of three years, I have to disagree on one aspect of your thoughts. I think you can know that your decision is the right one. I have committed myself to the person that I believe is the right one for me. True, there are many aspects of my future that I have no way of knowing the impact of my decision. I do know, though, that because I have made this decision, no matter what does happen, it will be good. I do agree that a relationship will have lots of blood, sweat, and tears.
The point is, I sure am glad that I chose to be vigilant against the shoals that will founder and also avert becalming far out at sea.
(I have no idea if that last thought made sense, I copied and pasted.)
Dan McKeown
Alex, I am glad that you opened this post to commenting because I think there is a lot of comment potential here. First off I agree with Amber when it comes to knowing if your decision is right or not. I believe that there can be many right decisions, and many wrong ones. The problem lies in which ones would be best for you. I think it is similar to finding someone you would like to date, be in a committed relationship with, or even marry. I am not a believer in the "one true love" idea, a person could be happy with many people for a variety of reasons. If you decide to commit to one person you have to realize that a lot of work will have to go into the relationship to ensure that it will continue to work and you also have to realize that there might be others out there that could make you happy as well. I see many people breaking up to date others or just to be with others just because they think that can make them happier. It just seems to be a "grass is greener" type of condition. There will always be some people out there that could make you happy, but if you have one of them why ruin that good thing? Ok I think that is enough for now, sorry about how long this post is.
John
Coming from someone who doesn't have anyone, I'm going to agree with Alex. I think our discussion has left decision without a definition. That's ok. I just have to say that a relationship really shouldn't be a decison, but rather an experience. I agree that there can be many people who are right for you, but you may never know unless you have an experience with them. Even then, it may take years before you realize who they really are… or who you really are. Relationships are made up of many decisions, but when you start asking yourself if that person is the right one for you… I think you are asking yourself if that person is your "one true love." I don't think anyone can correctly answer that question until they are well down the road. But what do I know, I'm just a guy.
Amber
I agree with Dan that relationships require a lot of work. Especially, if your true love sits on a computer in his bedroom most of his life ;-)
I liked how Dan said, "There will always be some people out there that could make you happy, but if you have one of them why ruin that good thing?" It reminds me of Deal or No Deal. People are always saying no deal to huge amounts of money. They almost always end up with less, but they wanted to see if they could do better. Stupid analogy, but it works. There may be times when you can do better in certain aspects of life, but if what is happening is working, why risk it? Since I dated Justin through my first two years of college, I decided not to risk losing him to find out what else was out there.
One last thing about relationships, at least for this comment, is COMMUNICATE! Justin and I would be nowhere if we hadn't talked, and prayed, and worked through things together. It has been our greatest strength as a couple, that we can talk and work things out, no matter how many tears and minutes it takes.
Justin Gehring
Alex, how are you doing?
Now to speak on things that don't concern me:
At what point to I step in and say something ;-)? I feel like we're all giving relationship advice, and really, relationships are unique to the individual.
Choices will always be unique to the individual.
Why does a battered wife stay with her abusing husband? Why do people pay millions of dollars to extend a love one's life for a single hour? Why do so many people read blogs and write blogs?
Are you prepared to be lost at sea without shipmates? Are you prepared to try to find a new sea-fairing vessel to attempt to make it to your destination in life? Maybe the boat your on/were on is still within reach and seams to be stilling making it on in the storm we call life.
Maybe… It's not up to you, or me, or her. Or if you prefer to look at it this way (which is such a grim way to look at it btw): Maybe it doesn't matter.
Nils
I just wanted to give a shout-out to the Miceks and congratulate them on 27 years. That's awesome. Also wanted to say Happy Birthday to Alex. I think I am the first one to say that on TumbleDry and I think that makes me better than the rest of you.
Dan McKeown
Nils, not only did I tell him happy birthday in person, but I also bought him a beer, a very large beer. I am sorry that you are not better than me.
Nils
Hmmmm, a beer you say. A very large beer you say. Did said beer get Big Al drunk? If no, I am still better than everybody.
Dan McKeown
Oh I think it is fair to say that said beer got Alex just fine and tipsy. I also just want to say that my first comment on this journal was made due to my observations, I have little experience in long term relationships so my thoughts are more theory for me than actual experiences. I think that Amber probably has a much better grasp on the topic.