tumbledry

Application

I’ve started one or two journal entries here, and then immediately deleted them. I am saying the same thing over and over in a side-long and vague way that leaves me with no satisfaction. When my fingers cease flitting over the keys, the ideas are still in my head, and I’m looking at a couple of paragraphs of junk. To get in the blunt state of mind, I thought I’d list out some things about myself:

There, I think the blunt list finally got me to what I wanted to talk about: my career. You see, I really want to be a dentist. I’ve been brainstorming my “why I want to be a dentist” essay for sometime, but I fear that any reasons I give won’t be good enough for these admissions people. I fear that my resume is not extensive enough. I fear my GPA is not good enough. I fear that my application will not be completed early enough. I fear that I will not be able to do what I really want to do. I fear feeling like I have failed at the one thing I really set my mind to. All through high school, I focussed on being the best in academics. My speech came and went, everyone went to college, and I suddenly felt like all the work was for naught. Here, I know that this accomplishment will be different; being accepted into school opens the door to the life I want to lead. Do I want to go to work everyday and fix people’s teeth? Through summers and holidays, years and decades? YES. Yes, I do. I want that because I could help people, not add numbers. I could put my own ladder against my own goal, rather than climb someone else’s ladder, reaching for their standards. I could take off afternoons and see my kids in softball games and dance recitals.

You think I’m getting ahead of myself.

I certainly might be (don’t get me wrong, I’ve got tons of gray area for the details between now and “family time with Alex Micek”), but I’ve always been the type to try to keep all my options open … dentistry does that. I started school hoping to graduate with an EE degree and be prepared for dental school. Similarly, I wish to have a job that is conducive to raising a happy, healthy, loving family. I want to maximize my potential in providing for people who depend on me. Simply put: I want them to be financially secure, and I know I can make that happen. I just don’t know if it will happen.

A month or so ago, I got screwed over by the St. Thomas housing lottery, losing the room I was gunning for, losing the room I was living in, and ended up settling for something else. This depressed me to no end, not because living accomodations are that important to me, but because I (not exactly logically) feared that my inability to fight off the competition and get a room was a portent of an inability to successfully fight for a spot in dental school. It hasn’t helped that the “applying to dental school” seminar I recently attended took the time to point out that last year’s cycle was, according to the director of admissions, “the most competitive I’ve seen in my 25 years here.” A sarcastic “great” does not begin to describe the inner turmoil this stirred up within me.

In the meantime, I’m not enjoying life right now. Everything is on hold until I get my DAT taken (next weekend) and my admissions forms completed (next three weeks). Then, I may start studying for a retake of the DAT. I am in survival mode, and it is a world of frequent depression and simply doing what needs to be done. I go to school, I work out, I eat, I sleep, I work on dental school things. Sometimes, this is what you have to do with your life, and I am OK with the sacrifice. The real depression sets in when I think that all this could result in nothing. December 1 of this year could roll around, my rejection could be sent out, and then I could be at a serious cross roads in my life.

I am stubborn - I don’t want to rise to the challenge of envisioning my life not in dentistry. I want this - perhaps because I am narrow minded or unimaginative or inflexible - but I know I’m going to do my damndest to try to make this happen.

13 comments left

Comments

Mykala

COUNTRY MUSIC?!?!

Richard Roche

i'm afraid i can no longer be internet friends with someone who likes garth brooks. if it was old school country, like willie nelson or something, that would be a different story.

Shayla

Um, Richard… Garth Brooks is a legend, and pretty much IS old school country at this point (just turn on the country station and listen to the "new country"crap and compare). I'm a die hard metal fan myself, but Garth Brooks is an amazing artist and I own several of his albums…. Even Matt likes some of his stuff! ADMIT IT MATT! HELP ALEX OUT! It's okay Alex… Garth Brooks…. rocks ;)

The King

Does Goldbond count as baby powder? I sure hope not because that mediated powder is magical and smells good too.

Dan McKeown

Alex I am so very upset that you like country music, this will put a strain on our friendship.

Amber

Alex, I like country music too. We can continue to be friends. And just so you know, your choice of music would not hinder our friendship, unlike some you have.

Nils

This is Nils reporting from Berlin. There is a World Cup game on right now and I can barely hear myself think. Off that note, country music is sinful to listen to. Horrible stuff. Although I do like a selected amount of Ryan Adams and Josh Rouse, who have been labeled Alt. Country, whatever that means. On yet another note, don't worrz about what is not in your control Alex. You do what you can (which we all know is a lot) and then see what happens from there. That said, I am not the slightest bit worried for you. You are a king among men. And I am out.

PS. Will this post count towards my ranking? It better.

Alexander Micek

Nils, as long as you use your standard name and email, you can count posts towards your total from any computer in the world. Also, I saw your Mom at the gas station today, but I wasn't entirely sure it was her, so we didn't talk. But if we had, we would have discussed your overseas status and generally said nice things about you. Enjoy the world cuppage.

And yes … country music. watches visitors drop to zero

Dan McKeown

Nils,

I must say that I am most jealous of you being in Berlin for the World Cup. I have decided that I am going to South Africa in four years for the next one so all are invited. We will come up with the money somehow, do not worry about that. I hope that you have a kick ass time there and know that I envy you more now than I ever have before (which is saying a lot).

-Dan

Caley

I just got a shirt from the World Cup that my daddy and brother bought for me while they were over in Germany last week. So excited to wear it… Also…country music—not so bad. I listen to it fairly regularly…and by fairly regularly I mean at least 50% of the time. I don't understand why some people are so adamently against it. There are very few genres of music which appeal to all ages across the board like country does…

Mykala

Yes, you are either a hick or you're not- age is no matter.

(Oooook, totally kidding. Calm down already.)

Caley

Whatever Kala, you liked that Rascal Flatts song I played for you. Don't deny it. You did.

Dan McKeown

Good news everyone! Alex likes the smell of Gold Bond Medicated Body Powder with Triple Action Relief. That is all.

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