Walking through Ikea, the three of us heard this strange strange announcement. “Would Wanda Sorry please return to Smallworld. Wanda Sorry, please return to Smallworld.”
How can you do anything but laugh after hearing an announcement like that? I mean, this is Wanda Sorry (Mykala thinks it might be spelled Saari) and Smallworld. And she doesn’t have to report to it, she has to return to it. Like, she was once a child and now it’s time … tiiiime for Wanda to go back from whence she came!
Thank you, Saint Thomas, for such scholarly surroundings:
Girl 1: So I was talking to her and she was, like, being such a bitch!
Girl 2: Yeah?
G1: Yeah she’s all like “Stop being such a space-case.”
G2: Really? A space-case?
G1: And yeah, then she was all …
G2: Did you say ‘space-case’?
G1: Yeah.
G2: Is that even a word?
G1: I made it up.
G2: Oh, you and your words.
Here’s a new one: I went through two classes today, and then came back to my dorm room. I looked at my watch as I was coming in the door and wondered aloud: “Did my watch stop or something?” It was way too early. I was so focussed on the lab report I had to do that I had forgotten I had only been to 2 classes instead of 3. It doesn’t end there, though. Oh no, this Monday had more Alex-mocking to do.
Alright guys. A certain man I know named Sean Green passed an incredibly great and entertaining phrase down to me through a man named Dan McKeown. He didn’t pass it down intentially, it just happened - and I am thankful. That said, writing about this phrase would never do it justice, so when I was home, I picked up a microphone and brought it back to the dorms to allow you all to experience this phrase first hand. Click below to listen.
On Mykala’s birthday, I invented a new way to insult someone. Rather than calling them an “a-hole,” go with the new and improved “j-hole.” It’ll make your victim stop and consider your insult, and cause the sting of your words to striker deeper into the person’s psyche. The J, of course, stands for “jerk” and calling someone a jerk-hole, regardless of how angry you are, is pretty offensive. For this reason, I would recommend reserving this insult for times you are really really, extremely, angry.
I hustled over to the quad leg extension machine at Lifetime Fitness, trying to wrap (rap?) up my workout as quickly as possible. That’s when I looked in the mirror in front of me, and spotted Snoop Dogg walking on a treadmill just behind me. He wasn’t sweating. He wasn’t really dressed for working out. But I mean, if it really were Snoop Dogg, I am confident that he would be way too cool to do something like run. That’s not his style. He’s going to stroll … and look cool doing it.
I’m like the old guy in the rocking chair telling all the kids in pampers, ‘Get off the chair! Do not break that! I thought you were suposed to be napping.’
I made up this silly joke, and because this is my blog where I can do pointless things like post silly jokes I made up on the blog that is my own, here it is:
He was selling shoes left and right.
Adds new meaning to the phrase “short and sweet.” I love it! I’m going to work it into conversations where, while it may/probably/will not be funny, at least it will break the ice and everyone will say “hey that Alex kid isn’t too bad, we guess.”
Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About - Incidentally, this has become a a book. He gets to, perhaps, the crux of whatever small “point” there may be on his website: “As I’ve said before, the secret of a successful relationship is to become irretrievably embroiled in a bitter struggle to the death.”
Most people who know me quickly learn I am a great fan of physical comedy: the bus rolls through the camera view, a crash is heard from screen left. Minister of Silly Walks. That stuff makes me laugh. In a departure from that usual style, I would like to formally recommend the following scene be added to whatever Stiller/Wilson/Vaugn/Ferrel movie approacheth from Hollywood’s ever-predictable jukebox stuck on repeat.
Mr. Nice Guy - Casual, but funnier than heck. Made it to my “revists” list after I read 3 posts.
“i was so frustrated at one point that i put the baby down, went into my room … and punched myself in the head as hard as i could. i had never done such a thing before. i will not lie to you: it hurt not only my head, but my hand as well.”
