I Wish I Was As Funny as defectiveyeti.com, But That Is Not The Case; I Am Writing Anyways
Currently, I am assembling an article about workflow efficiency and the importance of optimizing your desktop environment for increased productivity and multi-tasking. Seriously. However, that particular communiqué is on the proverbial back burner whilst I deal with life. By life I mean summer chemistry. And by summer chemistry, I mean hell. However confusing the elements are, human chemistry is infinitely more puzzling. I would like to restate what has tormented men throughout thousands of years, diverse social climates, and different evolutionary stages — women are ridiculously, unrealiculously, shockingly confusing.
All right, now, besides taxes and death, there’s one other thing in life that is for certain: women love to flirt. It’s one of the things they do best. It’s a kind of natural ability they’re born with. They’ll flirt with you and think nothing of it. They’ll flirt with you just because you’re there. They’ll flirt with you simply to keep in practice for when Mr. Right shows up. They’ll flirt with you so deliciously that after five minutes, you’ll find yourself falling in love, while they’re merely enjoying exercising their power.
- Some Random Article I read a while ago
That, is true. Not that it is necessarily a bad thing, because “bad things” are not “oh-my-god-what-is-going-on somebody tell me what happened” things. Maybe if I could write like Shakespeare:
If I could write the beauty of your eyes,
And in fresh numbers number all your graces,
The age to come would say, “This poet lies,
Such heavenly touches ne’er touch’d earthly faces.”Sonnets (17)
Oh wait. I’m not Shakespeare. And besides, literary historians widely agree that Shakespeare was bi-sexual, and that many of the Sonnets were written to a man. Let us nix the Shakespeare idea. So, confused men, what now? As they say, “fortune favors the bold,” so the best course of action seems to be boldness. Proportionally, unfortunately, we run into an inverse: as more is at stake, boldness is more important but becomes less attractive. In contrast, there are those who say: “sit back and let life happen to you.” This, I think, is to let others run your life.
Hoo boy.
In the end, knowing where you stand is the most important thing. If you can figure this out, just decide what the heck is going on; nothing else (good or baaaad) is going to throw you. Ok, maybe I should bill myself as a love doctor and start taking questions. Not because I feel qualified or have any real experience, but because I like helping people and I think everyone involved could learn more about themselves.
There is an idea: combine blogging and “Dear Abbey” into one killer package. I think I know just the person to do it.