I think I’m holding a vigil tonight. And not in the sense of “I think I plan on it,” but rather I mean “I think this is happening right now.” So, what is the subject or purpose of my vigil? I’m reminiscing about life in school at St. Thomas and the U while looking ahead at my life. This involves a lot of mindless clicking around on Facebook, which I usually try to avoid. I find myself regretting things I both did and did not do in my past, and wondering about the future. I’m listening to Sigur Rós. It’s a quarter after 1 in the morning. Mykala is asleep on the couch.
I don’t know what my life is all about.
I guess, I’d just like to start working. I know I’ve the training on the basics, and the skills to fill in the gaps, but it’s hard not knowing where I will be spending my working days. I just want to contribute some stability to this little family. I want to give Mykala the option to not work and focus on school for a while, if that’s what she chooses. I want to be the provider, someone who can be counted on.
It’s probably time to sleep, now.