Crystalline Tears
We focus more on the bad things; we think they affect us more. Why do you think the human mind is so good at placing gigantic rose tinted glasses between itself and memories? If it didn’t, we would dwell on all the bad turns life had dealt us; we would be reduced to self-pitying lumps of half-humanity. Truth is, it’s the good stuff that affects us more, but we are ill-equipped to realize this pleasant reality. I’m trying, God in heaven I am trying to know this. Something deep inside me “gets it” but until that part triumphs, I am drifing much more than I would like to.
Had very interesting conversations with Nils, John, and Matt today. I talked to my sister and my mother for a while to. You just can’t beat friends and family; I am convinced they are what life is about.
Lately I have a hard time passing judgement on people. I have become so convinced that giving them their space, giving them time, letting them be themselves, is the best way to interact with them. Lately I let people talk to me, if a person is jumping to talk to them all the time one never knows where one stands. Additionally, I find myself changing narrative person in my writing (as in that last sentence). I need to focus, to concentrate and to apply myself.
I like German, I like English, I like Calc II, I like Philosophy, I like St. Thomas, I love my room, I like my hobbies, I like the people I have met, but I am lacking purpose. My goals are well-defined: in 4 years I will have a EE degree and I will be prepared for Dental School. But this does not help me locate my purpose. It is a strange dilemna; one that I have never encountered before. I feel old and young at the same time. Time is flying.
I need a divine nudge.