Turning to New
Sometimes you feel lost and broken, like an inadequate part of a larger machine. A machine that no longer needs you and marches on without you. Sometimes you feel like the outdated piece that was tossed into the junk heap, ready to work but whose function is no longer needed. Sometimes you feel like the used, the seen-through, the loser, the target, the mis-represented, enigmatic, used-up.
Tonight, that wasn’t how I felt.
I’ve missed journaling in the past couple of days, and for once I won’t make an attempt to catch you all up on the details of my life. I would rather say that I am working towards inner peace day by day. Tonight was one more step in the right direction, one cadence of the march closer. I am helping my friends and they are helping me. It is a wonderful balance, a beautiful dance of mutual support. The movie was wonderful and this room is too. I owe some people some support, I hope to provide that tomorrow.
These people I know are so wonderful.
I was walking today and I realized how beautiful this world is. Don’t brush that off as sentimental drivel. Go back and read that first sentence again. The early tinges of fall gently colored the wind as I walked along, seeing love. I felt in touch with that aspect of all those people around, I could feel a palapable sense of emotion between and I could resonate with it. In doing so I learned. I learned what they feel, how they feel it, who they feel it for. And as I stood, feeling those emotions that those people felt, I looked up at the sky and said “life really is beautiful.” And it is.
And so I must do my homework. Not now, but tomorrow. I love it; there sure isn’t too much of it; just enough to make it fun. This philosophy class has me thinking from all angles about our very existence while my English class stretches my ability to express myself. I hope, I really do hope, that a fragment of the elegance and wit I strive for here on a daily basis (I emphasize the ‘strive’ not the ‘achieve’) shows through in the writing that I craft for these classes. Regardless of the quality of that writing, I have connected with all of my professors on a personal level and that, to me, is of indispensible value.
It is late and it is early. “Where Are You Now” from Summer by George Winston is playing for the third time, (or is it the thousandth) and calm floods me. This album is my favorite without question, doubt, or hesitation. In addition, the ‘best of’ George Winston album woke me up for many months of high school in the distant past of sophmore year; listening to some of those songs brings back wonderful memories of sun-soaked blinds leaking light into my cozy room, the music coaxing me from my bed and gently announcing the new day. I will listen again knowing these songs still announce something new awaits.