“He unfortunately was boring, so to wake you up: this is
an animated chart, this is a silhouette representing the
average family, and this is a lighthouse keeper being
beheaded by a laser beam.”
Everyday, I want to become better, but I don’t mean that in a small way. I want to be wholly… Faster. Smarter. Nicer. Stronger. More imaginative. Pursuing these ideals drives me, like the fire drives the steam engine, from the inside. This all worked for me, back when I showed up to a job and then went home at peace… I pursued my own goals and reached for the gold rings that I put in front of me.
But now, in school, there’s something external that everyday tells me I must be smarter, faster, better — and if I’m not, someone will get hurt. This produces a toxic tension: I want to improve upon a bunch of pieces of me while they want me to improve on but a few.
I can’t satisfy myself and them. And it drives me crazy.
Mykala knows that, every single time I open a bottle of tap water that has been sealed for a while, I’ll comment how “isn’t it interesting that it smells like chlorine, it must have reached equilibrium between the chlorine in the water and the chlorine in the air.” Every single time.
I don’t fully understand what’s going on in China. I do have some dispiriting facts, though.
I know that the dirty manner in which China burns coal (on
a truly vast scale) is a very very irresponsible,
short-sighted way to keep up with their rising energy
demands.
The equation of the Chinese growth story that is changing
the world (and keeping U.S. Wal-Mart customers happy) is
unforgiving: Ten percent annual expansion is the guarantor
of the Communist Party’s hold on power and so everything
will be done to sustain it. Agonized debate (think U.S.
health care reform or Afghan deployment) is not for China.
Bulldozers are more its thing.
Furthermore, there’s this pervasive idea about entitlement, which was very much front and center when China single-handedly derailed the Copenhagen conference on climate. Here’s the line of reasoning: all the great developed countries in the world had a period where they polluted an unimaginable amount and pursued growth at all costs. Britain, America, and all others employed children, killed workers, and polluted uncontrollably before eventually stabilizing into (more) sustainable, clean, industrial countries.
The problem is one of scale. Let’s say you’re Britain in the 1790s… making 20% of the stuff that the world uses. That’s 20% of the stuff for 1.2 billion people. Ok. Now, let’s say you’re China in the 2000s… making 70% of the stuff that the world uses. That’s 70% of the stuff for 6.8 billion people. And all these people are demanding far far more trinkets, baubles, and shinies than their counterparts 210 years ago.
China feels entitled to this fast, irresponsible growth period that all the great nations went through. BUT, since the world economy is now so huge, the potential for damage to people and natural resources has grown untenably large. China shouldn’t get the carte blanche that other nations got, because China can do so much more lasting damage than those countries could ever imagine doing.
But like I said, I still don’t fully understand what’s going on there. It doesn’t seem good.
At this point in time, in the middle of dental school, I’ve spent many many hours in lecture halls. Here’s what I’ve found: a lot of professors are disorganized, and as a result tend to descend into tangential (yet important for the exam!) monologues that stray far from the ugly PowerPoint slide at hand. During these all-too-frequent digressions, one must be ready to transcribe a lot of information very quickly. To accomplish this, I have slowly adopted the use of a laptop during lectures.
You may wonder why have I held on to my pen and paper for so long. In fact, there are a few reasons for delaying a full-time switch to a laptop. First, the lecture halls are steeply raked, causing one’s sight-lines to the professor to be cut off by a computer screen — this interference makes lectures much less effective. Second, laptop keys are noisy (any keyboard noise is terribly distracting in quiet lecture halls). Finally, the professor wonders what I’m doing behind that screen. So, the laptop is efficient, but it cuts me off by taking me out of the lecture and into laptop-land. Despite the isolation it fosters, my only option when I need to record scads of information in a very short period of time is a laptop.
Until now.
Imagine a device allowing me to remain engaged in the lecture through eye contact, record notes quickly yet silently, and store all my books in feather-light digital form.
My oh my, suddenly the iPad looks compelling for any student in my position.
I just took the National Board Dental Examination, Part I. And here’s the thing… the freakin’ thing takes over your mind. I was talking to a few of my classmates who also took it early, and I wondered aloud if they were experiencing what I had been: “In all of our lectures, do you keep picking up random facts and thinking damn, THAT’S what the answer was?!” They said that they too were experiencing this. They agreed: it is an unpleasant side effect of answering so many questions — your brain is constantly searching for the answers.
So, at the end of the day you sit there and think WOW I’m glad to be done with that. Then your brain says “well, you might have to take it again if it didn’t go well.” And then another part of your brain says, OKX percentage results in passing. Do you think you got that many right? Well, you think: I got Y percentage on that half practice test I took… that was good enough for passing. Yes, your brain replies: but the actual test was a hellish journey through arcane facts — do you think you did that well again? I really don’t know.
And then a part of you is so happy that it’s over for the time being that you’re just giddy. I stood in the kitchen, watching the bread for my sandwich toast… and I started thinking this thought: “Toast sure is great. Is there anything better than toast? Hot, crispy bread. Wow, toast is great. I should get the word out on toast.” And then I caught myself: “Heeeey now, you’re just happy that you don’t feel guilty every moment you aren’t studying for boards, because you took them!” And you circle back around to “But you might not be done studying — you might have to do the same thing all over again, but in the beautiful month of May.”
AAAAAAAHHHHHH.
I paid $265 to take this test on a computer, and it takes them 3 weeks to get the results back to me. THREEWEEKS. So, I anticipate I’ll be like this until then.
Right now, I’m sitting here on the couch next to Mykala, and our cat George is gently purring as he sleeps on my lap. I don’t care how I did.
Industrialization: we’ve lost the ability to grow our own food, build our own shelter, entertain ourselves, and now, walk:
Slightly more than 1,000 pedestrians visited emergency
rooms in 2008 because they got distracted and tripped,
fell or ran into something while using a cellphone to
talk or text. That was twice the number from 2007, which
had nearly doubled from 2006, according to a study
conducted by Ohio State University, which says it is the
first to estimate such accidents.
Gomez has a song called “Bone Tired”. Ben Ottewell’s singing makes the lyrics sound much more poetic than they look in print. Anyhow, it’s an interesting song from my perspective of early semester exhaustion.
Oh no, why do you always complain?
Burn bright but you’re bone tired and feeling it
Anyhow, the song’s good… and (coincidentally) semi-relevant. Also: one of my competencies for graduation is to start a patient on a smoking cessation program. If you know anyone who a smoker and might be receptive to some information about quitting, or is interested in trying to quit, let me know.
Other competencies include doing a complete set of dentures for a patient. I’m excited about that, to think that I helped them to be able to chew again is really exciting to me.
This afternoon, I’ll go into clinic for the second time. I’ll observe a student dentist (or hygiene student) go through a full patient appointment. You have to check the patient’s chart, understand underlying medical conditions, scan for drug conflicts, meet the patient, find out why the patient is there, determine recent changes in their medical history, consult with specialists about treatment plans, possibly do some treatment, take radiographs, explain things to the patient, obtain consent, plan the time of the next visit, and on and on.
I definitely feel confident in my hand skills… but that’s a small part of the entire visit. There is so much to learn.
I’m nervous for the first time I do this solo, which could be within a week. I’m not good at small talk… but I still need to practice. So, “yes” to small talk… but not too much, since I could put myself in a conversational cul-de-sac. I feel a little low on the knowledge required to do a great job at this. I realize that’s why we’ll be doing this for the next 2 and a half years… but I really would prefer to get some more observing experience in before I see my first patient.
Oh, and if you do want to come in for an appointment with me, send me a message and the school will get you in.