We all want a home. We all want a place to come home to. We all need a place where we are loved and where we are safe. We all cry. We all laugh. We all love.
The why’s the when’s the where’s and the how’s don’t matter anymore. Can you see that? Can you peer through the muck that this world throws on your windshield and see the truth? If you find out how, please tell me.
Look, we’re not here to suffer years of angst, pain, and suffering. We’re here to share our gifts with those around us, to look at our neighbor and love them despite their faults. Why, then, are we so very skilled at causing other’s pain? So efficient at killing and so hardened to other’s feelings? I don’t know. I do know, however, that pessimism is not the answer.
If I had had pessimism; I would have given up long ago.
Look back on your day. First, convince yourself it was a bad day. Go on, find all those bad things. Got it? Ok, now convince yourself it was a good day. Not as easy, maybe? That’s the reason to do it; convince yourself it was a good day, know it was a good day, and things will start to go truly right. I promise. Don’t worry because worrying (as has often been said) is like staring at your ceiling at some quiet restless hour of the night, trying to figure out how you are where you are.
Nightingale
Sing us a song
Of a love that once belonged
Nightingale
Tell me your tale
Was your journey far too long?
Does it seem like I’m looking for an answer
To a question I can’t ask?
I don’t know which way the feather falls
Or if I should blow it to the left
Nightingale
Sing us a song
Of a love that once belonged
Nightingale
Tell me your tale
Was your journey far too long?
All the voices that are spinning around me
Trying to tell me what to say
So can I fly right behind you
And you can take me away
Sing your song, follow your path, seek your truth. Believe and hope.
The surprise Shayla one day before Shayla’s birthday went off well. Although we ended up not at the house we had intended and the surprise part was rather difficult. I would say it went off with a hitch. Good lord we had a lot of fun with the balloons, though. Did you know you can play music with balloons when correctly struck? Oh, and in addition they make excellent insulators of body heat - quite remarkable if you ask me. But that was a solid party for the birthday. I hear a second surprise took place as well later this past weekend. I should clarify; surprise occurred at UWRF as well. Cake batter ice cream with graham cracker mix-in! Oh yes it’s that good.
This simply defies the laws of physics. Floating things. It appears to be real, but no strings attached levitation? Seems otherwordly.
I watched John finish the assembly of his DDR pad/velcro/hold them to the floor contraption - it went quite well I would say. The idea and the execution were, for all practical purposes, flawless. The pads are more responsive, grip the floor better, and look no different than before. What a great idea! (In case you are wondering, he used heavy-duty velcro to attach the pads to a custom-trimmed office chair mat; this supplies the grips and the hard surface.)
You know, at the birthday post surprise situation, we all got to talking about dreams. Matt has these fascinating cinematic epic dreams. The rest of us could remember some, but Matt has the coolest dreams. As for me, I am stuck with this repeating dream. It’s slightly different each time, but it’s always the same people, the same crap. I am tired of this dream. Maybe writing about it will make it go away. Here’s the deal, this dream played Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night. It took a break on Saturday night, though. It was back Sunday night, however (actually Monday morning). Confidential to this annoying dream: get to the point or get out out of my head.
All I can say is Socrates is really a cool guy and if I need to get some ideas straight later tonight I will be posting about his philosophizing ways.
Remember, no scaring any ealier than seven o’clock sharp.
So I was working out - and I knew this was bound to happen at some point - yes the weight slipped out of my legs in the incorrect fashion and took my shorts along with it. I don’t know if anyone saw - I am pretty sure they did. A word of advice, when doing dips with a dumbbell, make sure to avoid getting stray articles of clothing caught around the weight as you drop it.
That said, I believe i can continue to Thursday night which invovled some really awesome DDR’ing at John’s house. Wow. Indeed. After this came Friday which had the unbelievably quality of no class. Yes, it was fall break. I made the most of it. ;) But Friday evening it was family night over to Chanhassen Dinner Theater to see Forever Plaid. Great, great, great wonderful harmonies and music. The hour and a half show simply flew by. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in seeing some great dinner theater. Hey, I got my hair cut as well. Wow, it was getting mega long. Speaking of hair, I don’t think I have enough to stay warm in this rapidly cooling weather so I think I might get a cool Adidas hat from Galyans. Let’s see if I can dig up the link. Nope, here’s the closest I can get ya.
Ok, well it’s worth pointing out that St. Thomas is getting all new weight equipment which is really really great as our current selection is rusty and pushing 15 years old. The weight room will be closed for one week. This time is more than worth it considering anything would be an improvement over our current situation. I apologize again for the randomness of this post - I have been unbelievably rushed doing everything imaginable lately - it’s been a great time. I’m off to study for my Philosophy mid-term and then I will go aid Matt and John in a certain little secret operation we have planned.
Love these lyrics: track 5 of Cake album “Prolonging the Magic”. Love this tune: last track of Dashboard “A Mark a Mission a Brand a Scar”. Oh, and this Keith Urban song, too. “October” by Eric Whitacre is also mega good. That song came back to me at the piano tonight - I played it again and sang and liked it a lot. It is, however, not good enough to be recorded. To round out the album, I would say it will take about another five (5) songs. Oh, and I got printed in the paper again. I think that’ll inspire me to write in more often.
I was counting on getting outbid. This could be interesting to explain when a large package randomly arrives.
Good to see the career fair was worthwhile - I already have an offer on a job of some sort. It was fun to make the poster, get the resume up and running, and get the experience - St. Thomas has some great programs to prepare us for the real world.
To continue the theme of this post; me me me me. Me.
Honestly, though. There is some work to do tonight and some fun to have. It has been getting cooler out - I think it’s about 65F up here in Cretin 500 right now. Lovely night, this. I have an early appointment tomorrow so I should be sleeping.
Had a wonderful conversation with Doug, Matt, and Shayla. It was AOL chat night. I promse something more inspiring for the next post. This was only a log of what’s going on. Quality is job one here at tumbledry.
Today it was so warm. So very warm. Probably the warmest day we will have the rest of this year occurred today. It was in the upper 70s on October 19th for crying out loud! The sun shone, the fresh breeze blew, and I wrote a song. It had lyrics, a wonderful tune, and it calmed me down. It probably developed and evolved for about ten minutes as I gradually put into words and music my thoughts and feelings. Finally, I got a song to just flow out of me. I didn’t write it down, and I didn’t make any effort to remember it. It will simply stay in my mind as “that song I wrote that made me feel better.” Nobody else needs to hear it.
I’ve managed to make it to three different churches in the past four weeks. It definitely is a variety to see that many different celebrations. I have come to the conclusion that people are generally much too uptight about religion. So much so that they lose sight of the purpose of the religion. That, however, is neither here nor there as I do not want to open up that “can of worms.” Regardless, I took Communion yesterday at a church and as I walked, the western sun shot straight in my eyes. I couldn’t help but laughing because the man I received it from was just this dark silouette against this dazzlingly bright background. Should be a scene from a comedy movie.
I drove home after church through a beautiful, pastoral, calm evening. Hot air balloons hovered above the horizon off in the distance, heralding the end of quiet summer evenings and lazy nights. And I thought to myself, “self this sure is a wonderful night.” And it was.
Steve was home this weekend. I showed him the dorm and he helped me bring up a wide variety of funishings to complete the room as a MovieNight Headquarters™. Indeed. Anyways, he is another Truck Dismount convert, and managed to get the high score on my machine. Steve your score must fall! I don’t know how I will beat his 90K+ score, though. He liked the room a lot and we had some wonderful conversations. He agreed that an investment in speakers can be a wonderful thing. I won’t share the reasons, they’re rather personal. Which reminds me, Steve’s brother got two new DDR pads. They are really, really responsive, affordable, and fun!
I’ve been sick for the past counts days 7 days. That’s the longest I have been sick in years. In keeping with the current trend of everything going right, however, that hasn’t kept me from doing one thing. I went to all my classes, took a final, worked out, and played DDR until the sweat was rolling off me the way it does during summertime tennis. I think every freshman gets sick in the first couple of months. It’s like a pre-requisite for the rest of college; you get sick when your body responds to all the stress you are putting it through. Then you learn to relax. It’s almost like an immunization in that your body gets a taste of a little stress and thus develops a resistance to the huge amounts of stress later on down the college road.
Let me stress one more time how beautiful the weather this weekend was. It was unbelievably fresh, clean, and warm. The sky was blue, the air was calm, and the leaves were turning under a low sun.
I believe in Socrate’s “good hope” philosophy. That is, we hold “good hope” that there will be life after this one. Look at it from a gambler’s perspective. If you bet on there being an afterlife and you are a good person here on earth, you either a.) are fine in the afterlife or b.) there is nothing. Those are much better odds than if you are bad person and there is an afterlife and you suffer eternally. Thus, it’s good odds to be a good person. Socrates you are awesome!
But let me get to what I was going at. Friday night rocked. We were at Steve’s house and had a great time talking and laughing and trying to walk on our hands. It’s tough to walk on your hands, let me tell ya. But it was a ton of fun! Saturday night was even better, when we celebrated Matt’s birthday with a surprise party. Shayla did some awesome work, complete with party baggage and decorations and even a DDR cake. Birthday parties rock! We watched some of Matrix II and Dumb and Dumber. Fantastic time. We’ll do it again.
Gotta get lights and you gotta go here to rate your prof. Enjoy!
Sitting in English, I have seen the fall color flare and fade. I remember looking out the window in early September, the sky still bright with the heat of summer and the leaves a deep rich green. Slowly changes have taken place and the cool air has done it’s work. I glanced outside and was startled by the branches starkly outlined against the dirty blue of a stormy fall sky. It reminded me of that part in Phenomenon, where they sway with the trees, feeling the connection to nature. I get pensive pretty easily now; I think it comes with feeling so relaxed. Things follow one another now, food gets eaten, work gets done, fun gets produced. It’s no auto-pilot but how else could I name it? It’s more adpative than that, more dynamic; I would call it reactionary. Things happen and I simply react. Have you ever had that? Maybe it was in a basketball game when you simply flowed with the rythm and were unstoppable, or maybe you just reacted with the answer to a math problem, or maybe you were driving and you reacted on the road without thinking. Imagine existing on that level for so long that you start to feel like you are watching yourself go through your life. It is simultaneously disconcerting and relaxing. But why should it end if everything is going your way? What’s wrong with removing yourself from yourself sometimes? Well, you stop feeling and just do. That has it’s disadvantages, trust me.
I still do not understand who takes a watch for a week and then gives it back; I am really stuck on that you may have noticed. Honestly, though!
Attended a philosophy lecture last night given by Dr. Roger Ames, professor of Chinese philosophy at the University of Hawaii. The least I can say is it was excellent. I don’t feel like my comments do justice to it. It was really fascinating how he brought out pieces of the Chinese language and analyzed them. You could tell right away how well he knew the language both in terms of symantics and diction. He could pronounce, analyze, and expound upon the history of any number of words. Here’s a phrase that struck me:
Oh, and he was talking about a philosopher with the last name of “James” who was a mentor to a certain “Dewey” (yeah the guy with the decimal system). James had a story he used to illustrate the interaction between human beings called “Jack and Jill.” In discussion about this, one of Ames’ sentences really struck me: “If Jack loses relationship with Jill, he is surgically dimished to the extent that he put himself into the realtionship.” Of course, this fit in quite well with the discussion leading up to it: “To love yourself as your are constituted by your roles and relationships is to love the world.” Another example Ames’ used quite well was the wedding. He pointed out how he went all out to plan a wedding in Hawaii for his brother. It was complete with a beautiful view of the ocean, a traditional grass hut, music, and flowers all over, their scents intermingling and flowing through the warm breeze. He continued on to describe how the couple got quite emotional on the altar, and how his brother’s fiance almost “ruined the wedding” - he was kidding of course. But they made it through the ceremony and then proceeded to go sign the papers to make it official by law without any tears or emotions. The point is, of course, that “rituals perform us” and that these set us apart from being animals. The real meaning is, for us, invested in the ritual of an event, not the even itself. I could go on and on about all this. I’ll be content to share one more thing; the Chinese don’t have the term “everybody.” Our “everybody” tabulates people by their physical bodies while the Chinese tabulate by relations. This definitely enforces the Confucian view that we are the “totality of the roles we play in relation to others.” When the Chinese address a large group of people, the word they use translates directly as “big family.” In the classroom, the word for teacher translates as father-teacher. Now think about that for a second, as Ames’ had us think. In your family, you give your all to each member and are fully committed to the group unit. Isn’t it amazing that this ideal of family has been incorporated not only into the culture but into the very symantics of the language of the Chinese society?
I am searching for another place to play piano here. The Grace piano has too light a touch, to the point that I am at a distinct disadvantage on normal pianos after playing on that one for a couple of weeks. That, and it sounds like crap. I’m not picky or anything because there are plenty of pianos in BEC - I just have to walk the extra 100 feet. Shouldn’t be a problem, should it? Remaining for this week: finish math, do a little German, prepare for gym final on Friday, prepare for poster session on Friday, get healthy, begin philosophy final preparation, and begin/finish math lab. Should be fun!
I don’t know about you, but making lists always helps me organize my life and get my thoughts straight. Try it sometime, it’s almost as if the more you write, the more that gets done. But whether or not you write things down, keep a big opening for “fun” at the top of your list, that’s where it belongs.
Landed my web-design job. Funds status: being ironed out. I’ll keep you posted on progress; the site will be unveiled pretty quickly; after all I am designing for money here and they will get what they want as soon as I can possbily make it happen. Thanks to Justin for making the contact and connection. I also found out that his dad owns some vintage Infinity’s … and loves them. My search for vintage gear continues! By the way (in case you were curious) a drive to Detriot from my house, according to MapQuest, is exactly 11 hours, no minutes. And yes, I am considering finding a way to make that trip to get these speakers I located. My opinion on those speakers: oh it’s worth it. This system I am putting together is absolutely, positively, and completely going to blow you away.
It just might be a little while.
Thanks you for your support Amber. Here’s wishing the best for the two of you!
Oh, Friday rocked. Yes it did. River Falls Fridays have already gone down in history and will continue to be amazing in their awesomeness. Wow. John ordered (at least he should have by now) some new pads for himself - the four of us are just tearing through DDR gear here. We’ll probably start tearing through some socks as well. What a great group of people.
Speaking of great people, Steve comes back this weekend. Hip hip horay! Now it’s time for the planning to begin in operation Scare the Crap Out of Steve the Way He Scared the Pants Off Matt. It will be a challenge gentleman, but I believe we are up to it.
On the way back from RFF, John and I listened to some Cake. He’s right, originally their remake of “I Will Survive” sounds like they murdered it. However, the second time I listened to it I was hooked. It incorporates the best of both songs into one great great package.
Saturday I saw children playing in the leaves, swinging from the trees, and laying inside circular forts of fallen and dried foliage. It made me so happy, made me think everything is right with the world and made me think about other falls in my past. Every season has something so wonderful about it. Fall has that crispness, the anticipation of all the family in all the holidays, the innocent fun of children on Halloween. It has those brilliant sunsets that we savor all the more as they become earlier and cooler. Fall reminds me of both endings and beginnings; which is true of all seasons. But I really feel the end of the warmth and the beginning of the glory of winter. I just can’t justify “hating” a season; that’s like hating 1/4 of your life. What’s the point? But Fall it is, and happy I will be.
I got my watch back. All eighty-five dollars of its Fossilness. I have no idea how that happened, I just got a phone call from the Grace desk saying they “found my watch.” I have no idea what kind of person takes something and then gives it back after a week. I guess I will never know who had it, but it’s good to have it back: I won’t lose it again, that is for certain.
I made these cookie bars. Let’s see if I can remember this recipe off the top of my head.
2.25 cups flower
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract (a little more actually, because it’s really good)
1 cup butter, softened
2 large eggs
0.75 cups firmly packed brown sugar
0.75 cups granulated sugar
1 bag Guittard Chocolate Chips
Bake in a parchment-lined 9x13 pan at 375F for 20-25 minutes
Wonderful! Exquisite! Dazzling! Uber yummy! Fantastic! Oh, and there’s something about washing dishes in warm soapy water that just calms your nerves. Maybe it’s a me thing. Hmm, you know I wonder if I forgot any ingredients. Try the recipe and QuickMail me if it tastes really strange, I think we’ll be able to figure it out.
As is my habit, I will tell where I am going after this: I am off to pool, piano, homework, and sleep. Tomorrow is absolutely packed in a fun sort of Monday way. Same thing goes with Mondays as with the seasons; why hate 1/7th of your life? Mondays are Fundays.
I found three (3) lucky pennies today. I should be set for the next three days. Since today is mostly over with, I am lucky through Saturday. Alright!
For the record, the weather has been unbelievable this past week. It takes about one day of cold for you to forget what it feels like to walk around in weather like this 70 degrees and sunny stuff. You definitely take it for granted that you aren’t shivering. Either way, though, it will be good to start another season with the good ol’ wool and leather choppers. Man I love those mittens.
I bought some gum today, it is some of the Carefree bubble gum. It’s pretty good. I’ve been getting into this breath freshness thing. You never know when you are going to need really fresh breath.
Last night I had a really good time at church. Bible: “And the Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone.” But from the sermon; “Grief is the price we pay for love.” He struck a chord with us. Said he used to beat people up when they called him “Hamburger”, playing off his last name. He said he has mellowed now, and he doesn’t even mind if we call the altar servers “hamburger-helpers”. You just don’t expect this stuff during sermons. It was great.
Tonight’s the kind of night you tell your kids about: “Back when fall was fall and winter was patient. Those were the days.” But honestly, we couldn’t ask for much more than what we got today: beautiful sunset, over 70 degrees, sunny, with even more warmth throughout the remainder of the week. What would we talk about with strangers if we didn’t have weather?
Oh, and I wrote into my local paper suggesting an article. They then printed this suggestion interestingly enough. Who would have guessed? I thought it was rather neat that I got my name in the paper. Maybe I will get a picture in there next time. Regardless, I hope the next time I show up in the paper it isn’t on the Obituaries page. That’d be strange.
Tonight I will be making my poster for the career fair, writing a Philosophy paper, and reading some Calculus. I may play some pool as well. I just realized you all need to see my room. When Justin comes on over this Friday I will ask him to bring his camera and then we will satiate everybody’s photo fix. Besides, the Memory Stick reader on Bertha needs to be tested out.
The for the past couple of days, it has been Dashboard Confessional, Something Corporate, and Coldplay. This song, that song, this album, that album, to the point where they mix into one another while I am walking. It’s like mental dj’ing where “Warning Sign” by Coldplay blend seamlessly into “Rapid Hope Loss” by Dashboard to “I Want to Save You” by Something Corporate. By the way, Konstantine still is an amazing, 9+ minute journey through love’s labors lost.
I lifted today and there was almost no one in the weight room. Today was really rough; I am trying to analyze these dreams I have been having and it’s getting me nowhere. In fact, lifting was like one big day-dream, I just went on auto pilot and a couple hours later I was done. It was quite strange. It was almost exactly like sleeping in that my mind rested, I was unaware of time passing, and when I was done I felt refreshed. To survive in this world you need to have that meditation time. The time for quiet reflection when you are awake but dreaming. You need that.
The Cars - “I Like the Night Life”
Oh, and somebody stole my watch. I don’t mind, though. Worse things have happened to me. Besides, I am looking at a possible great job with a client and that will definitely help my financial standing. Thank you Justin!
