theonion
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You are viewing stuff tagged with theonion.
Report: Majority Of Money Donated At Church Doesn’t Make It To God — The Onion:
A shocking report released Monday by the Internal Revenue Service revealed that more than 65 percent of the money donated at churches across the world never reaches God. “Unfortunately, almost half of all collections go toward administrative expenses such as management, utilities, and clerical costs,” said Virginia Raeburn, a spokesperson for the Lord Almighty…
The Onion: 180 Trillion Leisure Hours Lost To Work Last Year:
“The majority of American adults find work cutting into the middle of their days—exactly when leisure is most effective,” said Adam Bernhardt, the Boston University sociology professor who headed the study. “The hours between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. are ideally suited to browsing stores, dozing in front of the television, and finishing the morning paper. Daytime hours are also the warmest and sunniest of the day, making them perfect for outdoor activities. Unfortunately, most Americans can’t enjoy leisure during this time, for the simple reason that they’re ‘at work.’”
The Onion - America’s Finest News Source presents: Delicious Snacks Distract Congressmen From Horrors Of War. I love how the bag sounds keep getting more and more ridiculous. Thanks, Nils!
The picture is only the beginning in “Activision Reports Sluggish Sales For Sousaphone Hero.”
Scientists Create World’s Largest Novelty Atom - The best thing about the Onion is their ability to keep funny turns of phrase flowing throughout an entire article like this.
As soon as the image of that atom came on the screen, everyone just lost it. I nearly knocked over my model of a constitutional isomer, I was laughing so hard.
Wondermark, a great comic from last week’s Onion - A bit of the graphical feel of Married to the Sea, with a more traditional panel layout for the strips.
Wondermark is a funny comic.
A great interview with Conan O’Brien - It’s a two-parter, with the second avaliable here.